And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
