i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
