so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
