You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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