I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
