i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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