I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
