my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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