How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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