So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
