Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
