Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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