we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
