Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
