i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
