If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
