How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
