Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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