a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
