dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
