you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
