If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
