i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
