if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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