Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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