uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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