If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
