when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
