Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
