the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish you could order shots online.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
