i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
