..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Me too!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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