Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
