strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
