And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
