This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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