i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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