he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
