I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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