Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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