Im at strip club and am horny
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
