3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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