You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
