If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
