so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
