great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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