Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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