Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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