Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
soo... how was my night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
