i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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