I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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