just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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