i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My penis needs a shock collar
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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